Friday, December 30, 2011

Finding Forever


And the story of LIFE continues...


On December 25, 2011, Ben transcended into FOREVER...

But he left something for us to reflect upon...
That our experiences here are really, really BRIEF...
That it's not about the QUANTITY of years, but more about the QUALITY of years...
That we all in fact are on our way to finding FOREVER...

And how kool is it that a "kid from Cleveland" gave him a piece of peace on his journey too...

Love is Golden,
Family is Love,
And Love is God,
Peace...

R.I.P Ben Breedlove


 I LOVE this spirit of this man's music for real... The "Cudster"

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

28 Years to Life...

Im finally ready to dive further than I ever have...
Ready to dig deep into the thick of it...
Stand firmly affixed in the funk of it...
LOST, FOUND, and TRANSFORMED by it...

I'm ready... I'm open...

I'm still waiting...

Where are you?


Monday, November 7, 2011

Notes to Self...






Imagine- John Lennon

My FAVE top FIVE books EVER... For now...

"The Autobiography of Malcolm X" By Alex Haley and El Hajj Malek El Shabazz

"The Bluest Eye" By Toni Morrison

"We are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For" By Alice Walker
"Not Without Laughter" By Langston Hughes

"The Autobiography of My Mother" By Jamaica Kincaide

And I just couldn't leave this one out....

"Smashed: The Story of a Drunken Girlhood" By Koren Zailckas

What's your faves???


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Quick


You were seemingly my reflection...


And I never knew an antcipation like that before
or maybe since its's been so long
I forgot to remember how good it could really feel
Easy, calming, manifesting into my "piece" of "peace"


With such ease we "knew" each other
There was no pretense, no need to falsify
Authentically you and I
We took our "cools" off, and there we were

Honey molasses, sweet ebony, chocolate brown sugar, sweet honey bee...

Shiiiiiiit, I felt you in my soul
Deep and entrenched in the web of my being
A kindred spirit
We could've been great together

I miss the "thought" of you like hell...

LuvHer

Saturday, July 16, 2011

It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you...

I've been off experiencing the spring/summer of my dis/content... It's been quite rewarding, and I am forever grateful to have lived through, learned, and  moved beyond it... ahhh, life is such a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

On Becoming 28 Without Her...


"When you lose a mother, there's no longer a fantasy of being able to go home to mommy. You get thrown head first into the water, and you have to learn how to swim."

~"Motherless Daughters"

Today, at 11:45 am I will take my first living breath as a 28 year old woman; and it will be the eleventh birthday I've spent without my mother. There have been many days, where I have sat and pondered what her experiences of birth must have been like. When I've wanted to ask her what her first thoughts were when she knew I was gowing in her womb? What were her cravings? Did her feet swell? I have found myself imagining, wondering about the toil, the anticipation, the sheer joy it must have been to finally have me come careening out into the fullness of the world. Our initial meet and greet, our first communication... What it must have meant to her to impress upon her daughter her namesake.

I more than miss my mother, my soul simply aches for her. I have no means to fully express the propensity of my emotions, for I know no words that could accurately portray the vast space where her presence once stood. There is a permanent void in the recesses of who I am, a blackness that has shaped the pathways of my life. And I have had to learn through trial and error to view the darkness of her passing, as marker which fully gives shape to the light... My light... In her absence, I've learned exactly what she said I would... that I in fact have so much more to learn... lol.. These days, she would be glad to know that I make full attempts at being my authentic self and living my best life, that I'm in constant gratitude for each day (even when I'm complaining...lol)... I know that there is no day like today, no moment like the one at hand, and I may not get another, so I must take full ownership of this one. I sow the seeds of my heart, and I watch them grow... and Grow... and GROW...

But for the life of me, every 16th of February... I am stagnant and delayed in my approach, and I simply want to have one more conversation with her and tell her once more... Thank you! Thank you for being all that you where and molding me into all that I am, and eventhough I had to figure out womanhood on my own, had you not been there to be the example, I would have surely had no base, no pedastal of which to stand.

As it stands now, I'm not one for huge birthday celebrations, caravans of folks at some loud ass place choppin' it up (Not that there is anything remotely wrong with that)... but my heart is always quiet on this day, I simply want and seek a word from her. It is quite difficult for me to express this sentiment to others not in my predicament, they can't overstand, and I don't really expect them too. For me, my birthday not only represents another notch in my belt to hoot and holler about, but it exemplifies my full connection and consequent seperation from my mother, the crown jewel of my life. It's a very mixed bag of emotions for me, and I'm quite sensitive about it.

Vernel... I am so glad that I was the flower the Creator chose to pick for your garden. That you and my father sowed seeds so deep in my being that I can still find light in the darkest of circumstances. And though this grief is cyclical, I always know that there is a "morning" to my "mourning", and that the light of the world still illuminates my path! I will celebrate my birthday doing exactly what you put on my heart! I will be a blessing to somebody else through acts of love, in the way you always loved me... whole-heartedly, with no inhibitions, with my whole self... and yes, I will have some "fatty gurl"cake!

Happy Birthday to me, and thank GOD for my mother... SELAH!










Monday, January 17, 2011

Mi sobrino es un artista!

Yeshua Amaru is an artist...
Just like his grand-father...
Just like his grand-mother...
And just like his auntie...

I swear the more things change, the more they actually stay the same...

Selah...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Black Love IS Alive and Well...



Living and Loving welll.... I can DIG IT!









At Our Best We Are All Teachers...




Young brothers of Urban Prep Academy (Chicago, Illnois), of which the entire senior class went on to college this year!
          
I once heard a motivational speaker say that the two most important days of your life were: One, the day  you were born, and two, the day you realized why you were born...  In my case, I'm still working on fully understanding the latter, but I'm pretty sure I'm headed in the right direction. I teach in a Title-One (majority of student body is considered low income) school just outside of Atlanta. For those out there not akin to public education terminology Title-I would be defined and viewed as poor, low-income, marginalized, undeniably in need of support and resources. And although many of my kids are from low-income neighborhoods, have a certain "swag" in their walk, and speak with a youthful maturity that tends to mask their chronological age. They are still just babies (for the most part), still in need of warm gestures, of adult reassurance and acceptance...

         I am sincerely proud of them when they say and/or do something amazing, and I cry for them when I see how quickly some of them move from public school's main form of punishment: out-of school suspencion to the more deafining silence that is state incarceration. However, this blog is not a sad one, but more about how grateful I am to be in a position to affect lives in a productive way. How good it feels when one of my kids transfers back to my school and yells out "Heyyyyyyyy Ms. V!"  from clear down the hall and comes running to give me a hug. It's about rousing in their spirits a will to not allow anyone's label be the defining factor of who they are. Low-income, single parent home, title-1, urban, education gap, unkempt, special ed, inner city... or whatever society and myself included do erroneously attempted to define them by...

        You see, although I'm paid to teach them Literacy, Science, Social Studies etc. My goal in teaching them goes beyond the four rooms of my classroom, its more about helping them find their own consciousness, their own intellectual threshold, their own voice, so that they can remove themselves from the social boxes us adults sometimes try to place them in... because, in truth, there was never a box there to begin with :-)

Kua...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love, and What I Know to be True...

My nephew Yeshua Amaru and I


In the Interim...

I've come to believe in something called, "The Physics of the Quest"...
A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of the gravity...
The rules of Quest Physics goes something like this:
If you're BRAVE enough to leave behind everything that's comforting...
Which can be anything from your house, to bitter old resentments...


And set out on a TRUTH seeking journey, either externally or internally...
And if you are trully willing to regard EVERYTHING that happens to you
on that journey as a clue...
And if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a TEACHER...


And if you are prepared, most of all.
To FACE and FORGIVE some very difficult realities about yourself...
Then the TRUTH will not be witheld from you...

I can't help but believe it, given my experience...

A Cool, Tall, Glass of Water...



John Legend: Beautiful is as beautiful does...

                                                    "Maxine's Interlude"

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Random Thoughts from an Extra-Ordinary Day (Oldie but Goodie)


"Boys" By Gordon Parks

"Who is the judge?




The judge is God...Why is he God? Because he decides who wins or loses not my opponent ...Who is your opponent ?



He does not exist....Why doesnt he exist? Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth i speak !!"



"The Great Debaters"



So I spent today with some amazing fam... they are a part of what I call my circle of sisterhood. My godmother... my godsister... and myself. It really was a typical day, an early morning trip to the gym, matinee tickets to the movies... munching on left over christmas food and sitting around watching Katt Williams ( he's a wild boy). It was a comfortable, familiar place, like the smell of your boyfriend's cologne or the taste of your grandmother's banana pudding. I relished in the thought of how familiar it was, how safe it felt... to converse, listen intently, and bond with women who have over the years become my family...



However mundane and routine, typical days are so extraordinary in the sense that they will never happen again... Every moment, every second, is like none other before or that will ever be... For in each moment is the seed to start things anew, correct a misguided step... the oppurtunity for reflection and discovery... I am learning to think of my days as not only "good days", but "God's days" ... I am inspired by that notion, that as much as things change... as much as they tumble over themselves and fall apart, crumble, or build bridges beyond the walls we create, they actually stay the same... The Ordinary becoming the Extra-Ordinary... "Good days" deriving from "God's days"...



Minus the bullshit... Life really is Great...



Nita Bita ;-0